Today more than ever, good manners
are essential to professional success. Teach your teens the art of respect for
others.
Respect is the foundation on which
all healthy relationships should be built. From self-respect to respect for
others, putting another person's needs ahead of their own is a productive first
step for public behavior that can prepare teens for adulthood.
If your teen could use a few lessons
in developing a respectful attitude, the following suggestions may help.
1. Start while they're young. Set clear boundaries for
preschoolers and elementary-age children. By the time they're teens, they will
be well grounded in observing boundaries and borders, which are building blocks
of respect. Teach kids not to touch things that aren't theirs and to care for
the things they do own, from clothes to toys and everything in between. This
goes for the possessions of other family members as well as other people's
belongings.
2. Teach self-respect. Appearance, performance, and
relationships are some of the ways in which teens can learn to have respect for
themselves. A tidy, well groomed look may earn appreciation from others, while
neatly completed schoolwork should receive high marks from teachers. In
friendships or dating relationships, teenagers should expect to set boundaries
for themselves and respect the limits of others, from telephone curfews to
dating proprieties and job responsibilities.
3. Be a firm disciplinarian. Balancing punishment with
rewards, emphasize to your children what you expect from them in terms of
communication, household chores, and school work. Put it in writing when
possible, and post on the refrigerator or in the teen's room as a helpful
rather than critical reminder. Maintain healthy boundaries by monitoring your
child's exposure to inappropriate music, television, and film as well as
friendships that may prove unwholesome. Discipline consistently and firmly, albeit
fairly. Kids will learn that you mean business and to expect fair play, which
teaches them to respond to others in kind.
4. Provide guidelines for family and social relationships.
Outline appropriate language toward others, excluding the use of profanity,
name-calling, or teasing. Recommend touching limits, such as no hitting or
pushing of siblings and no intimate touching on dates. Insist that teens abide
by curfews and household rules, with automatic consequences when they fail to
do so.
5. Model respectful behavior. The way that parents talk to
and about others will set the tone for their children's respect, or lack of,
toward other people. Avoid gossip, criticism, yelling, coldness, or other
inappropriate responses to relationships. Instead, set a good example for your
teens to follow. Studies show that despite peer pressure, teens are influenced
even more by their parents, perhaps unconsciously.
As kids grow into teenagers and move toward maturity, it is
natural for them to test boundaries and lose control now and then. Be prepared
to supervise your teen's behavior and expect that he or she will respect the
rights, property, and person-hood of other people. Follow up with consequences
when they do not. Most teens respond well to realistic training of this nature,
and will follow in their parents' footsteps in the way they relate to other
people.
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